oops

It seems I'm not so quality at the blogging...it's been months since my last novel ;) Enjoy the list of random thoughts - pretty standard Meghan

- lots of lofty goals floating around in my head - hoping to get close to at least a couple in the near future.

- clean and nice smelling apartment...is imperative

- not having internet at home becomes a costly expense, and quite the task, when one must find it at specific times and places

- having a goober pup is: wonderful, ridiculous, exhausting, expensive, humorous, enjoyable

- baking is swell

- I miss my wonderful, supportive, glorious friends that live in KS and OK

- being sick is lame

- money still sucks

- a little holiday spruce around the apartment is fun

- homemade hummus is worlds better than store-bought

- I miss the arts - being apart of them and supporting them

- potentially volunteering for 4-H and getting involved in the community seems promising and exciting to me

- I really miss the university campus and all that it represents/embodies

- poorly buffering internet is...slow...

- I don't enjoy that my computer enjoys shutting itself off randomly

- KS has been colder than CO...odd

- I70 and I are not friends, nor may we ever be

- My dog and I like our wonderful neighbors =)

- I'm struggling to find the perfect balance between it all

- I miss belonging to a real gym

- I still enjoy my fully functioning Scion ;)

- I wish I could dance

- I appreciate the folks that have been there for me at random times/days when I haven't been as positive as I should be

- Coffee = wonderful

- My dog is a really good watch dog...and for 30some lbs, she has a vicious bark at the (not so) scary people in the parking lot

- Coyotes in the park...following pup and I on our night walk...kinda creepy

- There is much I wish to do, and much to accomplish in a short amount of time

- I really would like to have plans, and tickets purchased, to travel somewhere interesting with someone fun

- Waggly buns is still very waggly...and now responds to both her actual name, Autumn, and her nickname - Waggly Buns. =)

Bed Time...Happy Holidays

arrival...for real...

Well...I've now been here about a month. I officially feel as though there is little left of what "used to be" from life in Kansas. Making it official, I now have a CO license plate, drivers license and bank account. My daily routine and ensembles are oddities. They involve things like heels, getting up at 6.30am and going to bed before midnight. Overall, this is good for functioning in the real world, but still quite bizarre since I've always been a night owl.

I have parted ways with the glory that was the boat...

After a short (2.5hour) stint below a highway overpass in North Aurora, it became evident that the retirement of the boat was...well...impending doom. Turns out, being a silly little white girl, sitting stranded in a '94 Chevy Caprice, in a traditionally character filled portion of town, really encourages gentleman to stop and offer assistance. By the fifth offer I became slightly antsy and overly thankful that Emily would be swooping in to rescue me shortly. Soon after, the boat was towed off for the final repairs being paid for by anyone in the Burrow family. It was given a two week life span before driving in it transitioned from being simply comical to decently dangerous. Needless to say, I stepped up my previously non existant search for a more reliable vehicle. Via my expedited search, I settled on a silver 2010 Scion xB. I was having a hard time coming to terms with driving a typical looking vehicle. However, upon doing some research on the Scion I discovered I wouldn't have to sacrifice practicality or price for something that looked a bit goofy. I am thoroughly enjoying the new vehicle. It has nifty gadgets, like an iPod hook up and stearing wheel sterio control - these amuse me greatly. Plus...it does things like, accelerate when one pushes on the pedal, or break without squealing. I find these to be nice changes as well. Somehow I will have to learn to part from the frequent comments at gas stations like "What's a girl like you doing with a car like that?"... or... the excitement of unlocking the gas tank behind the license plate. I am reasonably confident I will be able to overcome these losses within a very short time. =)

9-5...

Upon the transition of a new state I have also slipped into the 9-5 grind. While this does include some perks...like establishing an actual schedule and not smelling of food...it also hinders the flexibility created with nonsensical odd jobs. I am working at a relocation company helping people find homes to rent. I find it immensely ironic that I am working a job that requires one to know quite a bit about Denver and it's surrounding areas. Needless to say, it is expediting my knowledge as I continue to tackle my KS learning curve in regards to neighborhoods, rent pricing and other aspects of the city. As with all jobs, there are pros and cons to the daily experience. I continue to enjoy that each day is different and that the environment is flexible enough that I have never taken lunch at the same time. I enjoy the multi-tasking and problem solving aspects within the job. However. I do not enjoy the fact that there are always people I cannot help and that there will always be people that try one's patience and levelheadedness. As a person that likes to know things, it is frustrating to be working a "big kid" job that still entails commission. It seems that for all the time I spend working, I spend twice as much time paying for things. One may tell me this is a part of life, and everything costs money, however, blahblahblah is what I have to say to you. As someone that has worked to earn a diversified degree and done an array of random things...it seems there would be a point when less questions would arise, budgets would grow vs. decrease, and opportunities would no longer be matched with obstacles. While patience is a virtue, and all good things come to those who wait, I still feel as though I continue to be working towards the next phase in my life.

It is perhaps the book I am reading (Three Cups of Tea), the discussions I am having, or the standard spazziness that occurs within my brain. Whatever the reason, I continue to ponder. What am I doing? What do I bring to the table? I say I have specific, yet varied, interests, but what am I doing with any of those? I love to learn and constantly wonder..but what am I doing to further educate myself? Is it enough to read, inquire, discuss...or should I be doing something more? If so..what? At the end of the work day is it important to push myself for more...or to relax and dive into simplistic nothingness? While all things are good in moderation, and balance is key, how does one determine the proper balance?

That being said...since moving here my 'content' level has all but sky rocketed. I serve a purpose within society (however short or long term, there is one that doesn't include hourly wage), my living space is clean, I genuinely smile often, and I take in the glorious beauty that are the mountains on a daily basis. My dog and I go on a walk every morning. I've found a grocery store I love...and it is not remotely associated with the names "Dillons/Kroger, Wal-Mart, Target, Price Chopper"...I eat things beyond the food group of ramen and I go somewhere new every week. My boss recently asked me if I miss Kansas. Without pausing a single moment I replied "No. Not one bit. I miss the people I love that remain in KS (or OK).. but not the entity that is Kansas." I've enjoyed the ability/opportunity to hike in the mountains. Something about climbing to the top and working your way down provides a sense of accomplishment, and for me, a certain level of happiness and satisfaction. I am curious to see what the winter brings. How/when/will I learn to ski or snowboard? It seems fitting for someone that intends to (or rather...does) live in Colorado...but it seems almost silly for someone looking to save money.

I continue to enjoy the adventure that occurs with the relocation to a new place, yet also long to travel. While I am more intrigued by the place I now call "home"...I cannot help but feel that the learning through travel is an aspect of my life that is missing. That being said, it is nice to be experiencing a place that provides adventure within a normal day. It's also something new and interesting to be able to identify cardinal directions, even if I do have to blatantly cheat and utilize the mountains to gain that awareness. I suppose one could say I'm more content than I have been, for a long time, but continue to wonder...what is to come...where do I wish to be...and how will I get there?

- with that I say cheers - here's to a short week =)

relocation.

After a few insane weeks, I have officially relocated to Denver, CO. It all began three weeks ago with a trip with my mom to look for apartments in Denver. By midday Saturday I was decently convinced I would be moving back into the folks' house in Overland Park...not exactly my idea of a good idea. By some crazy turn of events, we stumbled on a business entitled Housing Helpers - a company that provides a free service in helping people find a house/apartment/condo in the Denver area. (www.housinghelpers.com). Within the first ten minutes of explaining what I was looking for and a little about myself, the owner asked if I would like a job. By the end of the afternoon things went from working two jobs in Lawrence, KS and living in Overland Park with my parents, to having a job and a place to live in Denver. Needless to say, my spirits were boosted immensely. The following weekend my brother helped me move to my new apartment in Denver. Turns out a truck pulling a trailer does not get any sort of good mileage and I spent about $600 on gas to and from Colorado in Ian's truck. (I like to round this to the nearest bajillion...because at this point it might as well have been in the bajillions.) Given my new apparent love for driving in circles on I70 and through Western Kansas, I made the trip back to O.P. with Ian. I tied up some loose ends, saw a few friends, worked my last shift...essentially put all my ducks in a row. Thursday, I departed for the final time, and have since been settling into my new apartment in Denver. I will start work on Wednesday morning, 9am sharp.

Now, the experience of getting here in and of itself, super special. However...since arriving I have discovered I am much too OCD to really ever move. I have also experienced the joy of indoor rain. Yesterday there was a decently heavy rain. It took it upon itself to pour huge amounts of water through my windows and onto my couch. Just for an added kick, it also dripped in through a seam in the ceiling in the middle of my main room. I feel the water really added a little something special to the new place...

Autumn is currently on the balcony/porch with her head between two slats. I'm sure the extra 3inches gives here a much better view. ;) So far she's handled the transition pretty well. However, she definitely has taken it upon herself to be an extreme guard dog. Nice to know no one will ever sneak up on me...but...it would be ok if she would eventually stop barking.

Biggest perks of the move so far:

- It is not sticky outside.

- The mornings and evenings are cool...making for wonderful time outdoors, windows open if desired, and all around pleasant times.

- My apartment is mine...and Autumn's...and that's the end of the list.

- There is ample counter space, which will be ideal for the time when cooking real food becomes and option again.

- There is a dishwasher...and it's name is not Meghan.

- My work is incredibly close...which is next to a grocery store...which is next to a wine store...which is down the street from a huge park. (Obviously there is a certain order in which you would want to frequent these establishments.)

- I have moved to a town/state people actually want to visit.

I'm still working on getting everything in just the right spot, however that time is near. My goal is to have everything done by tomorrow so that I can do some serious park walking with Autumn and town exploring on my own Monday and Tuesday, before starting work on Wednesday.

More to come soon...now that there are things to report it seems I may post with more frequency. =)

...another list...

Since I can remember I have been operating with lists. To-do, pro-con, grocery...you name it...I'm a fan - things always seem clear in list format. Thus, today I bring you a list. A to-do list of sorts, one that includes things I wish to do/see/accomplish, preferably in some sort of timely manner.

In no particular order...

- learn at least one more language

- travel - everywhere

- take an extensive road trip

- live in a big city, again, where public transit occurs daily

- eat healthily

- learn to cook a wider variety of tasty foods

- work at a job I enjoy - one that has a constantly changing/evolving work environment allowing for continuous growth, learning and development

- ride on a sailboat

- learn to drive a stick-shift...without awkward stalling

- work out, walk, and/or hike daily

- live in a place I really enjoy

- be content..in a really happy kind of way

- volunteer

- play music

- learn continuously

- read an array of books

- plant and maintain a small garden of herbs...for cooking, in case that needed to be clarified

- keep up with the news, worldly and otherwise

- try new things

- love and be loved

- learn more about different cultures

- make a positive impact

- live in a clean and organized place

- learn to dance...in an un-spazztaztic manner

- live by a large body of water

- live near mountains

- go back to Barcelona

- learn more about wine..and cheese

- have a hammock on my deck/porch

- get a huge dog to play with Autumn

- train Autumn

- travel to every continent and live as the locals do

- learn to love naps a little bit less

In the meantime...

I'd really love to find a job...one single job...that pays all of my bills with a bit of money left over. One in which I can learn and grow. For every part of me that enjoys routine and knowing, I really desire employment in a fast paced, constantly changing environment. I enjoy the excitement of learning new things and keeping things interesting. Now, if this job happened to be in a city, such as Denver, I would find that to be ideal.

I'd also like to know how one finds the niche jobs. Things like working for a company that allows you to travel internationally and bridge cultural gaps. Or work with musicians/music groups who wish to take an international tour...working out all the details of the itinerary etc etc.

Once I've found this one single job that pays all of my bills...I'd like to develop a routine that involves a healthy lifestyle (eating right, frequent exercise, etc), learning daily, and moving forward. I wish to say goodbye to limbo-land.

Unrelated...

I enjoy iced coffee and clean laundry.

...hasta luego...

same song, second verse, a little bit louder...

Today's activities have included an ice- cream sandwich for breakfast, a few cups of coffee, cleaning and wonderful Pandora throughout the morning.

Over the past year I can't help but continuously return to the irony that is free time and no money vs money and no free time. I continue to live paycheck to paycheck, something I don't think I will ever get used to. I find myself reminiscing about my time in Barcelona, walking the streets and frequenting the market for fresh produce and other delicious items. I recall how content I am when presented with the opportunity to learn new things everyday in an interesting environment. I grow disappointed when I think about how long it has been since I have felt that...which brings me back to money, or lack-there-of. (Thus the title of this blog...I feel I have mentioned this nonsense before.)

Along these lines I am being badgered by the impending doom that is represented by July 31. One may say "impending doom" seems a little dramatic, yet I argue it to be a fitting label. July 31 will hopefully mean the end of this era, and the beginning of a new and better one. However, the minor details that fall dependent include: a job...that pays, a place to move - city and home, and a plethora of decisions to be made. While I am currently employed, I hesitate to remain in a city in which I am unhappy for jobs that barely make ends meet; however, a move is quite costly. I've often thought about being a migrant with Autumn and just exploring, seeing where I end up. But even a migratory figure needs some cash-flow. It all seems pretty silly to me. =)

Still daydreaming about answers and hoping all is resolved in the very near future. At that point, a happy blog will be posted and I will appear a significantly less melancholy figure...not that this one isn't fun ;)

who knows?

The musings continue...much like my random hiccups. I feel soon I could become famous for them as they become known throughout my new employments and acquaintances. How...special?

After being officially done with school, for real this time, being employed again, and moving towards the next steps of life it seems I am confronted with nothing but questions. Limbo-land is unbelievably frustrating and beyond old. I feel like I have been here since February, and I will welcome clarity as soon as it presents itself to me.

The same questions remain, with unknown answers. Where am I going, what I am doing, how will I fulfill my potential...what is my potential, who will I become, how will I make a positive impact, where does the unbeaten path lead, what do I follow?

After that, one can't help but wonder, if money weren't an issue where would we be? What would we do? How would we live? As much as I would like to claim money is simply material, without it it's difficult to pursue any/all areas of dreams. It's also immensely frustrating that without money people cannot pursue education, good healthcare, healthy food, a decent standard of living..and often...the simple notion of hope. How does one change that? As I work two low-paying jobs I wonder how people with families in the United States make ends meet? As I work several hours a week I wonder how working parents know and raise their children, when, in order to provide for their children they must work excessive hours at their jobs? All things related to growing up seem utterly terrifying and unknown...I suppose a part of life...but scary none-the-less.

Along the lines of growing up, are those of staying young. How does one balance the desire to stay young at heart, while moving on to the next stage of ones life? Paying bills and rent paycheck to paycheck is far from ideal, but a 9-5 office jobs seems like it could squash many spirits. How does one determine the correct path for them?

Travel. I desire travel...domestic and abroad. Yet, to do so, involves money. I detect a pattern...

Teach me more languages. I wish to know more and to connect with people at a global level. The world is shrinking, yet will continue to be in conflict unless we learn about one another. How do we bridge the gap between cultures? Open minds and knowledge are imperative...

Music. Music is the universal language, and I miss actively participating in the music community. After recently playing in a symphonic orchestra I remembered the community that is developed around a common love for music. I got a tattoo of a bass and treble clef, united, representing the importance of music in my life...I hope it can soon become an active part of my daily life...beyond listening to Pandora/iTunes/the radio.

In short...I welcome answers to any and all areas of pondering anytime...in the meantime...I keep working and enjoying my pup, living day to day...hoping some clarity will come in my near future.

Spring and other musings.

Why does fancier, more expensive food mean smaller portions?

In a nation claiming to be concerned about health why are healthy options more expensive than unhealthy?

Why can you get free refills on pop, but not on milk?

After three sweet potatoes in less than a week I am officially over all sweet potato intrigue.

I thought after college the importance of filling in the correct bubbles on surveys/tests would no longer be important. Then I began applying for endless amounts of jobs. There are even more bubbles to fill in than there were during gen ed courses in college. yikes.

Spring is in the air...which means summer is coming...which means:

- I hope I am out of KS and into Denver by August.

- I am reminded of the warm weather female attire that I always find extremely awkward

- I am also reminded of the fact that I lack style - even more so in the heat than in the cold

- Nighttime is even better - the cool breeze and endless possibilities brought by stars in the sky

- The desire to travel becomes more than overwhelming

- Grilling anything seems like the best idea for dinner

- I remember how much I hate the smell of sunscreen and the feel of bug spray, but just how important these components are in my survival of the seasons

- I still think it would be wonderful to live by a large body of water

- I am only going to be young once - how do I make the most of it?

- Everyone I know is breaking up or getting together and it all seems quite messy

- It becomes increasingly difficult to sit inside all day

- Swimsuits are coming. Yuck.

- Shorts. Who invented the fit of girls shorts? Awkward.

- Freckles. They appear. and multiply at rapid rates.

- I wish I knew how to toss/catch a frisbee amongst all other outdoor sports people like to gather and play when it gets nice outside.

- Iced coffee starts to sound a lot better than hot coffee

- Allergies have returned, looking to strike whenever possible.

- It is too warm to wear hoodies - a most unfortunate happening.

More musings to come - next topic - jobs...interesting ones I make up in my free time.